Abraham was old, but his son, Isaac, hasn’t married yet. Looks like Isaac had handed over this life companion matter to his father. He wanted to get a wife who fit his father’s criteria or desire (Genesis 24).
Then Abraham delegated this task to Eliezer, his servant, by providing limits and criteria about the woman he wanted to be his son’s wife. And Eliezer started the journey looking for a life companion for Isaac. This is a journey.
In this modern time, most young people want to find their own spouses. But reality proved that many of them have chosen a wrong spouse. After getting married and there is a conflict, they feel regret. Too late!
Choosing a wrong spouse is probably because they could not think long, whereas marriage is for the long term, even lifetime.
To young people, they think as long as they like or feel love for the person, their heart beating strongly, and fall in love at first sight, that enough. After that, they go crazy and immediately take a decision to establish a marriage relationship.
They forget that in order to build a strong marriage, it is not enough with just one look, and then close their eyes to what happens next, whatever bad it was.
The problem is, after the wedding and the honeymoon period is over, their eyes open again. Amazing, at first their love are blind, but now they see. They see very clearly even sometimes they look at their spouse’s weaknesses with exaggeration. The marriage soon changes into ‘hell on earth,’ Far from happiness.
That is why ‘Isaac’s way” method for finding a life companion, that handed over his choice to his father, still eligible for consideration. Or if not, we can use the principles and limitations as a standard to look for a life companion accurately.
From this story, we learn that the search for a life companion is a journey, even a long journey. It is a long life process.
Getting a right or wrong companion who will accompany us is greatly determined by whether right or not the journey of life that we lead. In the right journey we can also find the right companion.
The rest, these are the principles or guidance that we can use in finding the right life companion:
1. Ask for God’s guidance and inclusion in this journey (verse 7, 12)
In this journey, Abraham had a belief: verse 7
“The LORD, the God of heaven, brought me from the home of my father and from the land of my relatives … He will send his angel before you, so that you can get a wife there for my son.”
Eliezer also prayed: verse 12
He prayed, “LORD, God of my master Abraham, give me success today and keep your promise to my master.”
It’s important to always seek the guidance and the inclusion of God in our life’s journey, so we can find the right companion to continue our journey to the end.
2. Look for a companion who has the same spiritual DNA (vv. 3-4)
Abraham gave limits for his son’s wife:
“… You will not choose a wife for my son from the people here in Canaan. You must go back to the country where I was born and get a wife for my son Isaac from among my relatives.”
Abraham sent Eliezer to take a wife for Isaac from among his relatives. What does it mean? It means that Abraham imposes limits that a life companion should be someone who has the same DNA.
Actually, these limitations or criteria have been established by God from the beginning:
Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to live alone. I will make a suitable companion to help him. “So he took some soil from the ground and formed all the animals and all the birds. Then he brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and that is how they all got their names. So the man named all the birds and all the animals; but not one of them was a suitable companion to help him. Then the LORD God made the man fall into a deep sleep, and while he was sleeping, he took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the flesh. He formed a woman out of the rib and brought her to him. Then the man said, “At last, here is one of my own kind– Bone taken from my bone, and flesh from my flesh. ‘Woman’ is her name because she was taken out of man.” That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united with his wife, and they become one (Genesis 2:18-24).
God saw that it was not good that Adam is alone, so He wanted to make a suitable companion to help him. God formed from the ground (just like humans) all the wild animals and birds in the sky, and God brought them to Adam to see his response. Adam gave names to all the animals but none of them is fit to be a suitable helper for him.
Finally, God made Adam sleeping, took one of his ribs, and created a woman from the rib. Then God brought the woman that he created to Adam to see his response.
After seeing the woman Adam immediately said: “This is bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh!” The response was very different than when he saw the animals that the Lord brought to him.
Wild animals and birds are not the right mates for Adam, why? It is because they do not have the same DNA, even though they were created from the ground. That’s why God took a rib from Adam’s own body and made Eve out of it.
Adam immediately recognized her as his wife, because she comes from himself, or has the same DNA. And because it has the same DNA, they can become one flesh or one body.
This is speaking spiritually. If we do not have the same DNA as our companion, we can never become one body, no matter how hard we try. So make sure you find a mate who is your own rib, meaning that it has the same DNA as you.
The New Testament says:
“Do not try to work together as equals with unbelievers, for it cannot be done. How can right and wrong be partners? How can light and darkness live together?” (2 Corinthians 6:14).
Having the same DNA means that our spouse must have the same faith and equally yoke. Has the same revelation of the Word and the same basic beliefs. If what we think and believe are the same, then unity will easily happen. If we have the same head and heart, then it means that we are one body.
3. Look for a person of good character, not a beautiful face.
In his search, Eliezer prayed:
“LORD, God of my master Abraham, give me success today and keep your promise to my master. Here I am at the well where the young women of the city will be coming to get water. I will say to one of them, ‘Please, lower your jar and let me have a drink.’ If she says, ‘Drink, and I will also bring water for your camels,’ may she be the one that you have chosen for your servant Isaac.
Eliezer prayed that the woman who God has chosen for Isaac is the one who when was asked for water will give water, not just for him, but also for his camels. It is a diligent and generous character. Eliezer did not pray to God to give a woman who has a beautiful face, but a woman of good character.
Face or appearance is not important for a life companion because no matter how beautiful she is, she will wrinkle when she gets old. People say: there are still traces of her beauty. But it means her beauty is gone, only the remains of her beauty.
Proverbs 31:30 says:
Charm is deceptive and beauty disappears, but a woman who honors the LORD should be praised.
Proverbs 31: 10-31 implied some characters required of a wife, some of them are diligent and generous, but the most important is: fear of the Lord (Please read for yourself).
4. Look for a person who accepts your proposal of marriage.
They answered, “Let’s call the girl and find out what she has to say.” So they called Rebecca and asked, “Do you want to go with this man?” “Yes,” she answered (Genesis 24:57-58).
Rebekah agreed to be taken by Eliezer to marry Isaac. This means that there is no pressure. In marriage, there must be no coercion. The daughter who is asked to marry should be willing and agree. The blessing from the parents must be given voluntarily and joyfully.
He went out in the early evening to take a walk in the fields and saw camels coming. When Rebecca saw Isaac, she got down from her camel and asked Abraham’s servant, “Who is that man walking toward us in the field?” “He is my master,” the servant answered. So she took her scarf and covered her face. The servant told Isaac everything he had done. Then Isaac brought Rebecca into the tent that his mother Sarah had lived in, and she became his wife. Isaac loved Rebecca, and so he was comforted for the loss of his mother (Genesis 24:63-67).
After meeting with Isaac, and Eliezer told his journey seeking a life companion for Isaac, Isaac took Rebekah to be his wife. Furthermore, the Bible records … Isaac loved her.
Notice, Isaac did not start with love at first sight. He saw God’s hand in his journey looking for a life companion, until Rebekah was brought to him by God. After he married Rebekah then the bible said… Isaac loved her.
So Isaac trust in God’s guidance in finding a life companion and he also trust his father, that’s why he believed that Rebekah was God-given life companion for him. After going through the selection from God and his father, then he loved her.
Those are the principles or guidance that we can use in finding the right life companion.
If we live accurately, just as God has spoken, then in our journey, we can find a right life companion as God has spoken
Also read: Life Must Go On.